There is another option...

• Punishment = Last Choice
• What is DRO?
• Ok, So What Do I Do with the Inappropriate Behaviors Then?
• Patience
• Consistency & Immediacy

Punishment = Last Choice
In my previous post, you noticed that I talked a lot about punishment, and how it's the least effective form of long term results.  Meaning, no timeouts, spanking, yelling extremely loud, grounding your child for a month, etc.  And with all the frustration that I had with this (because I used to do it), what other option do I have?  The thing that frustrate some parents is that they were raised to use such teaching methods for their kids, and most of them are labeled under punishment.  And if you can't use these "punishments", it might feel like you've been doing things all wrong and now you have to start all over.  Change is hard, but of course if we look at the big picture we will learn it's for the better.  So instead of punishment we use reinforcement. And a great way to do this is with DRO.

What is DRO?
DRO stands for Differential Reinforcement of Other Behaviors.   Which basically means you will immediately pay more attention in a positive manner to appropriate behaviors that your child will present.  For example: your child puts their shoes on, throws something in the garbage, says "pleases" and "thank you", you get visually excited about it.  You are showing them which behavior are accepted and which ones that are not by showing obvious visual differences.  You can have them keep track of these accepted behaviors through the use of charts and tangibles (items they can have physically).

Ok, So What Do I Do with the Inappropriate Behaviors Then?
A great way to handle these unacceptable behaviors is through a learning technique.  Generally you would be blocking the behavior through interrupting it and redirecting the behavior to something more acceptable.  For example, she/he has  a tantrum.  They begin to yell, cry and scream.  Immediately show them the appropriate behavior during this inappropriate behavior (interrupting them) and say (redirecting) "If you feel mad...say you are mad.  If you want something...say what you want" or if they are too young to understand that, say "Say 'I'm sad'" to try to have them repeat "I'm sad".  Then have them say "I want my toy".  The point of this is to have them replace that problem behavior with something that is socially more acceptable.  So that when they are in school or playing with other children, their interaction with others will be in a more acceptable manner. At the end causing less chaos and less phone calls of your child hitting someone else, bitting, etc.

Patience
Just like in my previous post, remember the importance of patience.  Some children learn fast, while for others it may take some time.  Every child is different and that is ok.  You know your child.

Consistency & Immediacy
And the most important thing with all this is: Consistency and immediacy.  Always providing the same consequence after the behavior and right away.

Becareful when you ignore...

• Emotions and Ignoring
• "Just Ignore."  They Say
• What's Extinction?  Plus a goofy example...
• The Extinction Burst
• Before You Do Extinction
• Replace, Not Reuse or Recycle
• Summary

Emotions and Ignoring
Remember when you were a kid, and your mom/dad tried to intentionally ignore you in hopes of you stopping what you were doing?  Well, maybe this just only happened to me.  But I remember how I felt: angry...confused...then angry again!  All I wanted to do was tore up the place!  I felt hurt and unworthy.

"Just Ignore."  They Say
You might have gotten the suggestion to intentionally ignore your child's tantrum.  "Don't even look his/her way.", "Act like you don't care."   While they are crying from the top of their lungs, kicking and screaming.  As much as this point in life really sucks, you might be on to something.  But there is a couple of pointers you need to know why? Why do I have to ignore?  What will it do?  What is it really doing?

What's Extinction?  Plus a goofy example...
Extinction is when you are blocking the consequence/reinforcer of the behavior.   Such as when a prisoner spits in your face thinking that in return you will fight them by clocking them in the face or be disgusted and cry in the corner, type of thing...but instead, you block the consequence/reinforcer by showing no emotional, physical or visual reaction.  Like standing there stone cold.  They will get puzzled and confused.  Like, wait, that wasn't supposed to happen!  Then they will get mad, and try hard to get a reaction out of you and beat you senseless.  Ok, you want a softer example?  Imagine your child having a tantrum, and you can be visual seen by them, but you just intentionally ignore them.  That's not what they wanted, they had the tantrum so that you can give them what they wanted.  So they then scream and cry louder...and louder ...and louder...


The Extinction Burst
The crazy reaction after the behavior's reinforcer is being blocked is called an extinction burst.  What is happening, is that because the reinforcer was blocked, naturally it's not understood why its not working, because in the past it worked well (you giving in, you fighting them back, you getting a soda).  Oh wait, I didn't tell you the soda example.  If you still don't understand the extinction thing.  Take the example of you being thirsty (stimulus), placing your money into the vending machine (behavior) and you receiving your soda (reinforcer).  It's a reinforcer because next time,when you thirsty(stimulus) and want a soda, you are more than likely to place money into the machine(behavior) to get a soda (reinforcer).  Now the extinction part: Imagine, one day you place your money and nothing happens.  No soda.  For someone that has encountered this for the first time: You will press the buttons again(part of the chain of behaviors )...ok..still soda (reinforcer being blocked).  Then you will press the change button (alternative/addition behavior)...nothing (again...reinforcer being blocked).  Ok...so you tap the soda machine on the glass.  (remember that this is a hot ass day (MO: Motivation Operation..will explain anther day) and  your are sooo thirsty and you just put your last dollar).  Now you are not tapping the machine, you are not pressing the buttons, you are literally shaking the damn machine to give you your soda or else! <<<< Extinction burst!  It's when the behavior that usually got the reinforcer that was block begins to increase in the same behavior and more in hopes of receiving the same reinforcer. 

Before You Do Extinction
Ok let me get back on route here!  If you plain to do extinction (blocking the consequence/reinforcer of a behavior), make sure you are ready to equip that person with a new set of skills to replace the inappropriate behavior.  Because, when that extinction burst comes, expect hell to break loose.  Meaning: hours of crying, kicking, screaming...total exorcist stuff!  The person is going through a "traumatic" time, what used to work for them,doesn't work anymore, which can cause some internal chaos and some emotional pain.  Even though, severity varies, this is something to keep in mind when dealing with another human being.  Keep ethics in mind!

Instead of telling them or forcing them to to stop the behavior alone.  You will have to set them up with some coping tools...a new behavior to replace the inappropriate one.

Replace, Not Reuse or Recycle
First I suggest you teach them the new skills they will need.  To be able to get the same reinforcer but when a more appropriate behavior.  Inappropriate Behavior: Hitting mommy in the back of the head to get juice.  Appropriate Behavior: Asking mom for juice verbally, visually with a PECS with a picture of juice on it, or with an appropriate hand gesture for "Juice".  And the biggest thing to remember, make sure your child is able to do that behavior.  You can accomplish this through practicing, step by step at the lowest level to complex.

Summary

1. Find the inappropriate behavior.  
2. Find out the reason for this behavior.  What do they want?  What is the consequence they are looking for (What is the reinforcer).
3. Find an appropriate behavior to replace the inappropriate beahvior.
4. Teach them the new behavior.
5. Then and only then! You can implement extinction! Extinction: Blocking the consequence/reinforcer of the inappropriate behavior (intentionally ignoring the tantrum, etc.)
6. Let them scream, kick, cry, everything.  Do not give in.
7. But only give them your full attention with excitement when they used the new behavior (ex. asking for juice using their words)
8. Keep rewarding the new behavior with the reinforcer immediately (giving them juice right away when the asked appropriately).
9. The inappropriate behavior will decrease (becasue it doesn't work for them anymore, they know that asking for juice is a better way to get juice!).

Trying something new...

• Changing Routine Problems
• Frustration
• Focus
• Token System

Changing Routine Problems
Like I had mentioned in my previous blog post.  I needed to change the way me and my son interact at home.  There would be daily fights just to get the usually tasks done (e.g. fighting to stop playing with his toys to go get ready for bed).  This has been a nightmare, the house is in chaos with daily screaming, foot stomping to straight out saying "NO!" and not budging.  So I decided that I needed to come up with a token system.  A way to reward him for good behavior.

Frustration
Before I move on, there is something that really...really crawls up my pants with annoyance in the social aspect when I mention what's going on with my son at home with my friends and family members.  Especially, those who are child-free and have no experience in being a caregiver to a child (a caregiver is anyone who is in charge of overseeing a child in the absence of the parent/or guardian, such as teachers, after-school care counselors, bus driver attendants, etc.).  I dislike comments such as "You spoil him, he just needs a good beaten." or "You are not to FIRM...you need to be FIRM!".  Look...sometimes no matter how "firm", how much beaten you give a child it doesn't work!!  I am not going to beat my son black and blue to release the so-called "devil" out of him!  All children are different...and guess what?! Mine is different!  Moving on...

Focus
One thing I have learned lately, is to look out for certain behaviors.  I need to take the time and look out for the undesired behaviors that I see that stands out and is seen as a problem.

• Yelling "NO!"
• Stepping on toys purposely
• Making loud repetitive grunts
• Running off (out the door, into the streets, across the room)
• Hitting/ Slapping
• Biting
• Crying
• Singing & Talking really loud
• Banging on the table

These are just a few.  But lets look at them.  As I look down the list...first I think about which is the most harmful? Of course it would be the biting, hitting and the occasional running into the streets.  My second question is now, which of these are just age appropriate? Meaning for the fact he is a kid, does a typical 7 year old conduct in these behaviors?  It's ok if it's not harmful and age appropriate.  Like the singing & talking really loud and maybe because of his disability the necessity to make loud grunting noises.  Well the whole point of looking at my son's behaviors and then evaluating the priority of each, will have me and creating a plan to help my son with his behaviors.  And to make sure what I am doing is actually healthy for him.  In other words, I am not trying to change him just because I don't like it.

Token System
So the token system is basically away to reinforce good behavior by acknowledging them and rewarding the person for that behavior.  I thought this would be a great way to start.  First, it's something very simple for him to understand and something I can implement right away, as I work out the details of the rest of the plan.  Basically, I make a list of all the desirable good behaviors that my son can get tokens for: Such as saying "thank you, please, your welcome, yes mommy, etc." to having him respond to me immediately after being called to completing daily task such as homework and brushing his teeth.  In my next post I will copy and paste the first actual token system I had created.

Changes...

• Birthday
• Different Teacher
• Different Medication

Birthday
Event though I do not time stamp this blog, which may eventually change in the future for archive purposes.  My son's birthday was yesterday.  He is now 7 years old.  I just looked at his face and I am embraced with overwhelming amounts of images of him growing up!  It just amazes me how so much can change and what little adults they become.  He is a boy filled with energy, he loves being helpful to others and who loves to smile and laugh hysterically! lol.  He now wants to do everything on his own.  I also noticed that he has become more oppositional and still has difficulties transitioning to the next task (such as getting ready for bed, to take a shower, to eat, etc.).  He pouts, yells out no, begins to cry, drop to the ground and stomp this feet...basically a tantrum that lasts about 3 to 5 minutes.  I have been quite busy and because of this I've seen some areas in helping him with his behavior problems have been neglected at home; which is usually results in yelling and sending him to his room (which doesn't do anything for the behavior!).  Also, I feel it has been neglected in the sense, that I have lagged in doing some research and actually implementing a structured plan. This will be discussed further in the "Route" section.


Different Teacher
Since the last time I wrote in this blog, he has graduated to 1st grade, he is now half way through school and I have seen some great changes.  He has a knew teacher, with the still same amount of children in the class (six) with a 2:1 ratio (two children to one teacher/teacher aid).  His teacher is very patient, understands my son's disabilities and has been very good in communicating with me what has been going on in class with easy access to contacting her if we need to talk.  This ;has helped out in a huge way, especially when it comes to linking up the support power in helping my son with daily tasks, to learning and observing his behavior.  We look out for changes, advantages, and help stir him in the right direction.   At the moment has behavior, speech and occupational therapy. 

Different Medication
Since last year, my son stopped taking Clonidine, that medication was just a great nightmare.  I didn't like the fact that it made him extra sleepy, drowsy and did nothing for his behavior when it came to focusing on task.   He went on for the last three months of Pre-Kindergarden with no medication (which caused great complaints from his teacher at that time and after school care) and the first two months of first grade.  However, after talking to his teacher, I understood her concern for his inability to focus in class and was suggested to find medication that may help.  I had to stand back, and not allow anyone to influence my decision process on placing my son back on medication, for the fact that I don't want to do it for them.  I had to make sure I was doing it for him!  And that's when  I decided to take him to his doctor for an ADHD evaluation.  If my son can't focus in school, this could affect him academically but emotionally as well, this could damage his self-esteem and cause major stress due to the fact that he wants to but has a great deal doing so.  He doesn't need that!