There is another option...

• Punishment = Last Choice
• What is DRO?
• Ok, So What Do I Do with the Inappropriate Behaviors Then?
• Patience
• Consistency & Immediacy

Punishment = Last Choice
In my previous post, you noticed that I talked a lot about punishment, and how it's the least effective form of long term results.  Meaning, no timeouts, spanking, yelling extremely loud, grounding your child for a month, etc.  And with all the frustration that I had with this (because I used to do it), what other option do I have?  The thing that frustrate some parents is that they were raised to use such teaching methods for their kids, and most of them are labeled under punishment.  And if you can't use these "punishments", it might feel like you've been doing things all wrong and now you have to start all over.  Change is hard, but of course if we look at the big picture we will learn it's for the better.  So instead of punishment we use reinforcement. And a great way to do this is with DRO.

What is DRO?
DRO stands for Differential Reinforcement of Other Behaviors.   Which basically means you will immediately pay more attention in a positive manner to appropriate behaviors that your child will present.  For example: your child puts their shoes on, throws something in the garbage, says "pleases" and "thank you", you get visually excited about it.  You are showing them which behavior are accepted and which ones that are not by showing obvious visual differences.  You can have them keep track of these accepted behaviors through the use of charts and tangibles (items they can have physically).

Ok, So What Do I Do with the Inappropriate Behaviors Then?
A great way to handle these unacceptable behaviors is through a learning technique.  Generally you would be blocking the behavior through interrupting it and redirecting the behavior to something more acceptable.  For example, she/he has  a tantrum.  They begin to yell, cry and scream.  Immediately show them the appropriate behavior during this inappropriate behavior (interrupting them) and say (redirecting) "If you feel mad...say you are mad.  If you want something...say what you want" or if they are too young to understand that, say "Say 'I'm sad'" to try to have them repeat "I'm sad".  Then have them say "I want my toy".  The point of this is to have them replace that problem behavior with something that is socially more acceptable.  So that when they are in school or playing with other children, their interaction with others will be in a more acceptable manner. At the end causing less chaos and less phone calls of your child hitting someone else, bitting, etc.

Patience
Just like in my previous post, remember the importance of patience.  Some children learn fast, while for others it may take some time.  Every child is different and that is ok.  You know your child.

Consistency & Immediacy
And the most important thing with all this is: Consistency and immediacy.  Always providing the same consequence after the behavior and right away.

Quick thought: punishment...

•  My Mind
• Punishment for First Choice?
• Downfall of Punishment
• Reinforcement
• The Better Choice

My Mind
Let me give a quick background about my "mind".  I argue with myself all the time.  I end up having long debates in my head.  No, I'm not crazy.  I think I do this as my way to solve problems and to get that "light bulb" moment once there is nothing to argue anymore and both sides (of me) agree.  But honestly sometimes "they" don't.  Which is OK, it just shows that life is, complicated.

Punishment for First Choice?
I generated a great example why punishment shouldn't be the first thing to present when it comes to solving a behavior problem.  Imagine everyone driving on the high way at speeds past the speed limit.  Now watch as the police car enters the highway ramp and joins the drivers.  Now watch!  Yea, you already now, red lights start blinking on the back of everyone's vehicle indicating everyone is hitting their breaks to slow down.  I laugh at this all the time!  Because it's the most predictable human behavior on the road.   I'm so fascinated at watching human behavior's on the road being able to predict lane changes, speeds, etc  (something we all do but never really focus on that thought).  Now, why do people on the road see police officers as punishers?  Because,  they are the ones with authority to give tickets to people who break the law.  And no one loves getting tickets.   First you have to pay for it, it goes on your records and it can affect some other things like your car insurance.  Police officers are the stimulus, slowing down is your behavior, and the consequence is you not getting a ticket.  And this becomes a learned behavior.  Because you learned that: when you speed (behavior), you get a ticket (consequence).  And because of this, you are less likely to speed in the future (punishment).  Punishment is the introduction of a consequence that will more than likely decrease a certain behavior. 

Downfall of Punishment
But the problem with this is that, once the police officer exits the highway, you are back at speeding up along with the rest of the cars on the highway.   What happened is that there is a competing consequence (reinforcer).  A reinforcer is a consequence that makes you more than likely to increase your behavior.  In this example the behavior is the speeding.  For some is timing, how long it takes you to get from point A to B, you just don't like wasting time and have no patience or you just might be running late.  For others it's the thrill of driving fast, the feel of a high performance vehicle, the wind blowing, the freedom!  Or you are just keeping up with the other speeders cause you don't want to be tail gated or beeped at.  Whatever it is, it beats your fear of a cop giving you a ticket when the cop is not around.   And because of this, the behavior didn't disappear or reduced  for a longer period of time (no extinction of the targeted behavior).

Reinforcement
And then I was thinking, "OK...so what would make drivers drive at the speed limit?".  What do people like?  What would make them cooperate?  I know for me, money would.  Progressive Auto Insurance has a great example with their Snapshot program.  If you want to lower your car insurance premium, using the snapshot device records certain data that "indicates" safe driving and uses that data to give you an incentive like a discount on your policy.  This is an reinforcement.  You are more than likely to drive safe with this "Big Brother" like machine in your car so that you can get a better deal.  So what would happens if there was a program like this for people who drove the speed limit?  Like a device that tracked your speed?  And for staying in the speed limit for the week you were eligible for some type of monetary value.  [see: token system]  Something tangible that you can you as an exchange for things you want.  Would you do it?  Would you drive the speed limit?  Even if you were going to be late for work, etc.  Would that control your speeding?  Yes, if the reward (the consequence) was worth it for you.  Who wouldn't want cash for driving safe?  

The Better Choice
Reinforcers are a better choice when dealing with behaviors than punishments.  With reinforcers you can replace a bad behavior with a good one.  With punishment, you are just trying to oppress the bad behavior.  And becasue of that, it is more than likely to emerge to the surface occasionally.  In other words, if you want to get rid of a behavior, replacing it is a better choice.  Extinction alone, is very hard and not the best route to go for great results.

Trying something new...

• Changing Routine Problems
• Frustration
• Focus
• Token System

Changing Routine Problems
Like I had mentioned in my previous blog post.  I needed to change the way me and my son interact at home.  There would be daily fights just to get the usually tasks done (e.g. fighting to stop playing with his toys to go get ready for bed).  This has been a nightmare, the house is in chaos with daily screaming, foot stomping to straight out saying "NO!" and not budging.  So I decided that I needed to come up with a token system.  A way to reward him for good behavior.

Frustration
Before I move on, there is something that really...really crawls up my pants with annoyance in the social aspect when I mention what's going on with my son at home with my friends and family members.  Especially, those who are child-free and have no experience in being a caregiver to a child (a caregiver is anyone who is in charge of overseeing a child in the absence of the parent/or guardian, such as teachers, after-school care counselors, bus driver attendants, etc.).  I dislike comments such as "You spoil him, he just needs a good beaten." or "You are not to FIRM...you need to be FIRM!".  Look...sometimes no matter how "firm", how much beaten you give a child it doesn't work!!  I am not going to beat my son black and blue to release the so-called "devil" out of him!  All children are different...and guess what?! Mine is different!  Moving on...

Focus
One thing I have learned lately, is to look out for certain behaviors.  I need to take the time and look out for the undesired behaviors that I see that stands out and is seen as a problem.

• Yelling "NO!"
• Stepping on toys purposely
• Making loud repetitive grunts
• Running off (out the door, into the streets, across the room)
• Hitting/ Slapping
• Biting
• Crying
• Singing & Talking really loud
• Banging on the table

These are just a few.  But lets look at them.  As I look down the list...first I think about which is the most harmful? Of course it would be the biting, hitting and the occasional running into the streets.  My second question is now, which of these are just age appropriate? Meaning for the fact he is a kid, does a typical 7 year old conduct in these behaviors?  It's ok if it's not harmful and age appropriate.  Like the singing & talking really loud and maybe because of his disability the necessity to make loud grunting noises.  Well the whole point of looking at my son's behaviors and then evaluating the priority of each, will have me and creating a plan to help my son with his behaviors.  And to make sure what I am doing is actually healthy for him.  In other words, I am not trying to change him just because I don't like it.

Token System
So the token system is basically away to reinforce good behavior by acknowledging them and rewarding the person for that behavior.  I thought this would be a great way to start.  First, it's something very simple for him to understand and something I can implement right away, as I work out the details of the rest of the plan.  Basically, I make a list of all the desirable good behaviors that my son can get tokens for: Such as saying "thank you, please, your welcome, yes mommy, etc." to having him respond to me immediately after being called to completing daily task such as homework and brushing his teeth.  In my next post I will copy and paste the first actual token system I had created.